We only breathe for so long

Today is not so bad. It’s almost dinnertime and so far I have only had like 150 calories, mainly liquids. Not too bad. My parents are not home to cook dinner so I’m not sure what to get. Normally I’d like that but right now all the different possibilities are just making me confused. What should I eat? More soup? But it contains a lot of salt, not good. Maybe this spicy chicken and rise thing that contains about 500 calories? But 500 calories is quite a lot and maybe it will make we want to binge/purge later. Should I just not eat a meal but keep snacking the whole night? Arrrggh what is wrong with me?! If only I put that many thoughts into studying maybe I would do a little better.

It’s so annoying. I have barely been studying today and it’s not like I have been doing anything else. Time’s a bitch. The days pass too quickly but the hours too slowly. Like during the day I just want time to speed up. I’m so bored and I’m constantly scared of eating too much. But I feel guilty for not making better use of my time. I’m not studying, I’m not doing anything productive, I’m just wasting my youth on this shit. I just wish I could wake up tomorrow being thin and finally being able to live my life.   

I’m pretty mean too. This morning my sister and I kind of argued. This is what happened:

I walk into the living room and notice that my sister is painting her nails with my nail polish.

Me: Is that my nail polish you are using? (knowing the answer but wanting her to admit her unforgiveable crime)

She: I don’t know.

Me: Well, yeah it’s mine. I got it last year. (admit it woman!!)

She: I’m sorry (sarcastically)   

Me: It’s okay, I’ll survive. 

She: It doesn’t sound that way.

Me: I just wanted to make sure.

… (pause) …

Me: When are you leaving??!! (move it, bitch)

Why am I being such a pain in the ass? It’s stupid. I know that I’m being annoying and bitchy but just keep going. Maybe I need more things to fill out my day.

La solution? Online shopping!

I want these shoes from Monki:

 

And to look this fierce: