How do I look?

Yesterday I went to my own place. I want to stay here for a while and make my parents miss me but I don’t think they will. whatever. Problem is that I don’t really have anything to do here. And we all know that depressed + lonely + bored = binging. Like this morning I started thinking that since I’m alone here I could go down to the supermarket and buy a lot of shitty food, eat it and then throw up. Wouldn’t that make a wonderful day?

Seriously, it’s so lame that I have to distract myself 24/7 in order to prevent myself from eating. I’m a woman obsessed. I should go to the gym. I actually think I will. And I should clean my bathroom. And maybe buy some food. But I can’t go to the supermarket when I’m in the mood for a binge. God, my life is so exciting. Maybe this is a great time to make plans with my friends. It’s kind of sad that I use friends as a distraction to not eat.

Speaking of sad I’m pretty nervous about starting at uni so I have just read a bunch of articles like “How to make a great first impression”, “How to make friends” and “How to smalltalk.” Seriously, why am I such a loser? I need to make sure I delete the things I have searched on google before starting. We also have to upload a “lifelike” picture of our self to the uni-webside. I’ve been stressing so much about this.  I want it to be a nice picture but it shouldn’t look like I’m trying too hard. I can’t find my camera so I need to choose one from facebook and it’s so difficult because most pictures of me on facebook I’m either a) gross or b) really drunk. (Usually both!) I also don’t wanna choose a really great picture and then when they see me in real life they’ll be like “ehh, who are you trying to fool?!” I’m such a superficial person. It’s so stupid but I think this eating disorder has degraded me as a person. It seems like the only thing I can offer is the way I look. I just don’t really have I great personality and I’m even worse when I first meet people. I’m shy, quiet and boring. So that’s why it’s so important to me to be notthisfat when I start.