cleaning up my mess

Back from the gym. I didn’t want to do anything too hard since I worked out yesterday (and the day before that) and I’ll be going again tomorrow so I took a yoga class. And I chose a gym that’s like 30 minutes away (on my bike). I met my friend at the gym and she asked if she could visit me tomorrow. I know I have been complaining about being lonely but just the moment she asked me I started making excuses. But yeah, I just texted her that she could come because I think that’s the normal thing to do. I haven’t seen her in a while and I just know it will be awkward. I told her she could get here at like 12 and I have to meet my sister at the gym at 17, so it’s not that long. I just really have to clean this place before she gets here. I have just cleaned the toilet and it was so gross.

I’m doing pretty well with food. Today I bought a lot of vegetables so I made a salad for dinner which was quite nice. I also added some egg-whites for some protein. I guess I have had like 700 calories today. And exercising is also going really well. I don’t have a scale here but when I come back to my parents I’ll weigh myself. Hopefully I have lost some weight by then.

I know I seem pretty depressed at the moment but I actually also feel very motivate. I know I will lose this weight because I have to. I don’t want to feel this way about myself. I want to look good. But I think I have become less focused on my weight and more on the way I look. I really want to build some muscle-mass and lose this fat so I if I’m not losing so much in the beginning I won’t be too depressed. I want to get my metabolism going and I want to have defined legs. I used to want to be really thin but now I’m aiming for toned. You know, still skinny-ish but not in a sick way, just fit, lean and healthy. I want it to look effortless too.