devotion

I cannot keep doing this half-hearted. It’s no wonder I’m not losing weight because I’m not giving it my all. I can do better than this. I’m going to show them all. I’m going to make my parents sorry.

I really wish I wasn’t so fat right now since I’m starting at uni on Monday. 3 days? Yeah, I can’t really make any big changes before that. But I have decided not to be depressed about my previous failures ‘cause nothing good comes out of it. I can’t change what has already been done (or not done, actually) but I can change the future. I will not keep being this fat. I simply can’t.  

I know I should make some sort of plan but don’t know how life is gonna be once I start school. Hopefully I’ll be more stressed and have less time to eat. But probably also less time to go to the gym. I should go at least twice a week, preferable three or four times. I think there’ll also be a lot of social things with food and extreme amounts of alcohol. Hmm. I don’t know. I think I’ll just wait and see. The first week we’re going on a trip that pretty much revolves around alcohol and we have to wear a costume. And this year the theme is zoo. (!!!!) Fuck, right, like we don’t feel awkward enough without being dressed up like a monkey. I’m sure this will make the process of desperately trying to make friends much easier. Fuck! I’m thinking about dressing up as a bee ‘cause it’s kind of easy but of course people don’t go to the zoo to watch bees but I hope it’s okay. It’s almost an animal right? If you have any ideas please let me know. I just don’t want to come as a slutty bunny or cat or something like that. I really hope the other girls feel the same way. If not I’m going to look like the biggest loser in my bee costume.

Anyway, I have an appointment with a new dentist September 16 so I really shouldn’t throw up before that. I probably will but I should limit it as much as possible. I haven’t thrown up in 2 days = great! It’s been a long time you know.

I haven’t weighed myself in a while but here are some goal weights anyway.

·         September 24: Party at my old school – 63 kg (138,6 lbs)

·         October 16: Birthday – 61 kg (134,2 lbs)

·         December 3: Party at uni – 58 kg (127,6 lbs)

Not too drastic or anything. I just really want to make it.

Why?

(Words cannot describe how much I wish I had those legs. Oh my god!)  

I found these pictures at www.bwbw.blogspot.com she got them from heplmegetthin.tumblr.com.

I have been doing surprisingly well the last two days. I have definitely not had more than 1000 calories and I’ve been to the gym. Now I’m just scared I’m going to screw it up. But I won’t. I’m in control. I will lose this weight.