I’m not sure why I didn’t post yesterday. Day 2 of my 11 days challenge went pretty well. I went to the gym with my sister to this class “Tighten up” and it was a summer-event so it lasted for 90 minutes. I’m thinking it was great cause I can barely walk today. Also I’m pretty sure I stayed under 1000 calories.
Today was not so good. My family who lives far away (OK 1 hour away, but that’s far away in Denmark) came over and my mom made brunch. I ate too much but it wasn’t like a binge. And after they left I thought about eating more food and then throwing up but I didn’t. So that’s pretty good. I’m guessing I’ve eaten about 1500-2000 calories but I don’t know. That’s kind of gross but there is nothing I can do about it now. I’ll go to the gym tomorrow and try to keep my intake around 700-800 calories. Hopefully that will make up for today. This morning I actually thought my stomach looked a little flatter than a week ago, but I cannot trust my eyes or the mirror. Such liars, the only thing I can rely on is my weight. And for the time being I’m too scared to weigh myself. Maybe I’ll weigh in on Wednesday depending on how the next days turn out
And now to something completely different. (Or not completely, cause it’s all entangled in these mysteries ways)
Something weird has happened. It’s about a boy. And I’m not used to this. It’s complicated and very boring so if you’re in a hurry you can skip this. I just need to get it out cause it’s so stupid. It’s a boy from my class. I will call him Pauly (that’s not his name, but I think he kind of looks like Pauly D!). Anyway, sometimes when our group of friends go out he and I end up sleeping at my place or his place alone. And nothing happens, really. Like, it’s been close but it just doesn’t happen. Which is fine I think cause a) I don’t really like him like that and b) he has a girlfriend. (A stupid girlfriend who does athletics and has a totally trained body. But her thigh muscles are manly big and she doesn’t have any breasts. Ha!).
His girlfriend is pretty angry at me which I guess is fair. Our school threw this party just before the holiday and she was a waitress and she got really upset because Pauly and I sat close all night. I just don’t get him, he’s really mean actually. Cause then after his girlfriend was mad/sad he wanted to come home with me, and so he did. And then I wanted to sleep at my place but I threw him out. (pretty proud of myself for that one!)
Thing is, we don’t talk that much when we’re sober. Alcohol is the main ingredient in our “relationship” but lately we have been talking more. He’s not a very nice guy. When he’s drunk he’s brutally honest. He told my one friend that she was really ugly without makeup on. You don’t say that. And in a weird way he has also affected my weight I think. He said all these things:
“You were getting kind of fat last year, but now it’s going the other way.”
“You’re thighs are actually pretty great”
“You’ll be that kind of girl that all boys want”
And stuff like that and it just fucks with my mind. People never understand how much their comment effect you. I never forget those kinds of comments, but when I feel bad about myself they will be played repeatedly in my head. I do like the fact that he always calls me Hot Stuff! I just don’t think I like him.
“I need a condom cause I’m being mindfucked!”
A couple of days ago he asked me if a wanted to have dinner with him. Just the two of us. And I panicked and came up with a stupid lie. (“Eh no, I’m all booked for next 8 days, sorry” = bravo, Astrid, bravo!) It probably could have been nice but no, I’m such a sissy. I thought, oh no what if it would be awkward, what if he tried anything, what if he finds out how stupid and boring I am? I tell myself I said no cause it was the decent thing to do (he has a girlfriend for god’s sake!) but really I just freaked out. Argh, it’s no wonder I don’t have any life-experience when I’m too scared to do anything.
Yeah that was it. No grand conclusion just whining about my silly life. I think that’s the word. Silly. It’s all so silly and honestly it doesn’t matter. Does it ever?
Guys can be so weird. It's like they want everything to be confusing. And he sounds like a complete ass. Probably is better you said no to having dinner with him. And I'm sure his girlfriend would be pissed if you did. Hopefully you parents coming over didn't cause too much damage. Just try to make tomorrow a better day. Stay strong. :)
SvarSlet