I haven’t been posting the last couple of days because I have been feeling fat. And not like a little bloated (well yeah, that too) but just really really fat and disgusting. Sadly this made me so depressed that I haven’t been able to drag myself to the gym. And my eating hasn’t been all that great either. But I’m gonna change things!
In the last 16 days I have only been throwing up once -> huge improvement. It’s a horrible coping mechanism/habit/religious ritual that just doesn’t do me any good. The only thing it helps me with is getting rid of my guilt for eating too much but it doesn’t help me lose weight. I can’t say I’m going to stop entirely but I will definitely try to limit my use of this nasty craze.
I need to stop whining about my fatness and just do something about it. I haven’t weighed myself in a couple of days but I got a feeling that the number won’t be too pretty. I CANNOT (!!) weigh more than 65 kg (143 pounds) but I seriously hope that the number is lower. I leave for Sicily in 11 days so I should be able to lose 6 pounds by then. But that is not enough, I mean, I’ll be wearing a bikini most of the time for god’s sake! I originally wanted to be less than 60 kg (132 pounds) by the time we’re leaving but I think I have to acknowledge that that won’t happen. The only way I could accomplish that would be if I just didn’t eat for the next 11 days (I’m not even sure that would do it). But a) I don’t want to completely fuck up my metabolism and b) yeah, me not eating for 11 days?, like that would ever happen.
I think it’s better if I just take it slowly. I need to:
- Go to the gym more frequently
- Control my snacking
- Use a self-tanner lotion
- Catch up on your guys’ blogs
I don’t have a lot of plans these next days (years) so I will have a lot of time to focus on my weight-loss.
This will be my own challenge: How much weight can I lose in 11 days? I’m not gonna make any rules like a calorie limit or anything cause I know that will just make me even more depressed when I don’t stay under the limit. But I will do my best, I really will.
I actually went to the gym yesterday and I’m pretty sore today so I don’t think I’ll go again. But I will keep my intake under 800 calories.
I want to look good in a bikini:
That is the attitude, girl!
SvarSletGet back into this.
You remember what I have said before?
Any damage you do can be undone.
And I can tell that you are motivated to undo as much damage as you can.
Show this thing who is the boss!
You can do it!
Stay positive, stay beautiful! <3
a clean slate is a great idea! just forget about everything in the past and focus on the future. congrats on the purging milestone, it's really good that you are working on it and not relying on it as much! keep it up! good luck with losing the next few pounds for your trip! i really hope you reach your goal!
SvarSlet