stressing

Weight: 63,2 kg (139 pounds). Wow, that is a whole 200 gram weight loss over two days. What the hell is wrong with me. I need to step it up. (= stop eating!!!)

But I do have my reasons. I couldn't fall asleep Saturday night. It always takes me like 2 hours to fall asleep but that night I went to bed at 2 am, and it was 9:30 am before I managed to fall asleep. That is just crazy. And the combination of being really tired and well, awake, makes me eat. But I did hit the gym. And I biked for like 1 hours. (Can you say biked? ehh)

Today is better. It's almost dinnertime. Dinnertime =  meal with family = not too nice. So far I have had about 300 calories. 2 apples, a nectarine and some yoghurt. Oh and soup. 
I wanted to be 62,0 kg by tomorrow. I guess that ain't happening. It really annoys me. Shit. My sisters (I have 2, one older, one younger) and I are going to this wellness thing on Wednesday and that means I'll be wearing a bikini. The combination of me being fat and extremely pale makes me feel very anxious. People might me disgusted. Argh fuck. And to make it worse we are going to eat lunch together before. Yeah that will help on my fatness.

I really shouldn't be so focused on my weight right now. I have three exams coming up and I'm totally stressing about them. (but instead of studying I just whine about it. )
At my last exam I got a 7. I spent so much time on it and rehearsed it so many times, so I wasn’t too happy about that. It's no good for my average. I’m thinking about studying psychology and you have to have a average of 10,5. Not happening. I’m not sure you can convert the grades into A, B, C and whatever. It goes like this:
12: Perfect
10: Great great
7: Eh, average
4: Bad
02: You didn’t fail but it was pretty close
00: You did fail
-3: Retard

I don't want to be average. I want to be perfect damn it! So I have to do really well in the next exams. Please!

/It has taken forever to write this. I have to look up words in the dictionary (how sad). So now we have had dinner. It went OK I guess. All together I think I have had around 1000 calories today. Not great, but it could be way worse. But I’m not safe yet. Nighttime is also the time I’m most likely to binge. But I won’t tonight. I have an infection-thing in my mouth and I have a feeling that throwing up won’t make it go away faster.
Anyway, this night’s thinspiration will be myself; myself 7 kg lighter.     

This is probably only a thinspiration for me. I'm not underweight or skinny, but it really motives me to see how I much closer I used to be at my goal. Also, I'm not sure why I'm this naked. And sorry for the bad quality, but I can only upload pictures if I save them as GIF. Again, my computer skills are frightening.


PS. Thank you girls for following me! It's very nice of you :)! And to Charlie, yeah I did lose a lot of weight. I gained it all back. Twice. Fuck XD!