WOW you look amazing

I’m going to this huge fancy party in 13 days -> I have to lose weight, fast!

I’m quite certain that I’m not as disordered now as I used to be. I still feel fat (And since I have gained weight I in fact am..) and WANT to lose weight but I don’t seem to be doing anything about it. At the party the most important thing is to look great, not thin. I’m not going to starve myself for 2 weeks, I’m not even sure I would be able to. My eating will be clever and I will work out hard. I’ve been so lazy the last 6 months, but I will get my act together, not just to get slimmer but also for the sake of my health (kind of.)

Okay here’s the plan:

I will eat my meals, small and healthy.

I will eat gigantic amounts of vegetables.

I will not snack ALL DAY LONG.

I will do weight-training 2-3 days a week.

I will do cardio 1-2 days a week.

I will be active every day.

Yes, that’s it. Not drastic, just trying to look good in my pretty dress.

Ps. I really want my collarbones to be more prominent.

I'm so sorry

I don’t love you. I don’t think I’m in love with you. I’m not sure I ever was.

I like you liking me.

And I’ve got an awful feeling that you feel the same way.

I wish you would hurt me. I need an excuse for climbing back in my black hole.  

Girls! I’m so sorry I haven’t been around. I should be happy. I’ve made friends and gotten good grades, but lately I’ve been feeling.. well I don’t know. I just have this recurrent thought that something is wrong.  

I have a boyfriend.

I always imagined that I would be in this dramatic relationship. We would both be madly in love and we should share all our secrets. I should be feeling complete. It’s not like that. It’s more cozy. I don’t know if it’s enough for me.

I keep thinking he could find someone better than me. Someone funnier, someone smarter, someone thinner.

I need to lose weight. Help me!

I really hope you’re doing well. Not necessarily losing weight, but I hope life is good to you. Hopefully I’ll be more around.